retrospective: thank you, 2009

i started to write a 2009 retrospective but i found this first -

i did the hardest thing i've ever done today. i said goodbye and rode away. it will be an image forever burned in my mind. it was the most mature thing i've ever done. i fought out the desire to turn back around and cry out to you. i set aside my secret hopes of you taking me back. i rode away. our chapter together ended and i will be forever grateful for the time we spent together. you were "the one" when i needed you to be. now we both have our own mountains to climb - in separate cities many hours apart. i wish you luck and peace and happiness. i know we are done because when i saw you you seemed like a different person but i know what we had was beautiful because when you looked me in the eye it all came rushing back. i have nothing but love and respect in my heart for you. i feel so lucky that we were able to end in such a positive way. i want to thank you for everything and i look forward to a strong friendship in the days to come.

after i wrote this i piled my feelings under a mountain of work and other people. the moment i gave myself time to think about it i found a heart that was still a little broken and in need of maintenance. i've been quoted as saying that i'm 90% over it but realistically it's less than that. when the dust settled after finals i saw the value of taking care of oneself and the resulting damage of running away from oneself. how did i manage last semester? it feels like i was hardly there...

that chapter of our lives may be over but there's a big script for her in the next. you can't really ever walk away from the person who knows you better than everyone else in the world - nor do i want to do so. i saw her several times over winter break, each time more beautiful than the last. because of that relationship i know what love is and i will always feel love for her but just in different forms. she said it herself many months ago "i'm not done with you yet". you've never been more right.

that aside, many other mountains were scaled and moved in 2009. now, a list:
i...

saw the president i voted for come into office
raised my GPA and remained on the dean's list all year
picked and stuck with a major!
began my twenties
moved into my first real place with two close friends and two godkittens
got promoted to stage manager
completed an internship with a major art museum and an up and coming chamber music festival
built a bike, started playing polo and joined a bike gang
became the director of my university's LGBT resource center
made lots of kickin' friends
became friends with my parents
realized i live in a beautiful community and began to explore and utilize it
had the classiest new year's eve ever

onwards and upwards, i say! i woke up the happiest i've been in a long time on january first. let's keep the ball rollin'!

a blessed and inspired 2010 to you and yours!